When I tried to steal a french fry from my 11-year-old brother on Sunday, his reaction reminded me of that time my college roommate/best friend tried to take a bite from my bowl of Velveeta Shells & Cheese during finals week. Let’s just say it didn’t go well (and she’ll never let me forget it). This prompted me to think- what are the things I really don’t like to share? Alternatively, when do I actually enjoy spreading the wealth? It’s been awhile since a solid Never/Always list, so what a perfect opportunity to explore these two critical questions.
11 Things I NEVER Like to Share
11 Things I ALWAYS Like to Share
1. Hugs. Maybe it’s because I’m always cold, or maybe because I’m single and don’t get enough affection, but hugging is my favorite thing ever.
2. A bottle of wine. Or two.
3. Music. I get really excited about forcing telling people to listen to my new favorite song, no matter how embarrassing (cough Style by Taylor Swift cough), and gladly accept recommendations.
4. French fries. I’m okay with people stealing my fries (unlike my little bro) because I already feel kind of guilty for having them, so a couple fewer on my plate is mentally helpful. Plus I like stealing them when I regrettably order a salad. It all evens out.
5. Blush. It’s the one makeup product that I have no qualms about sharing. You get a brush! And you get a brush! And you get a brush!
6. The remote. I’m not weird about letting other people take the TV reins. Again, this might be a sign that I haven’t been in a long term relationship since college. Idk.
7. Tapas or pizza. Because these dishes are meant to be shared. More on this subject later.
8. Books. Once I’m finished reading, I love giving books to friends and family. I can simultaneously prove that I’m obviously super smart because I read in my spare time and give a free gift. Booyah!
9. Friends. I’m not worried that I’ll be replaced. Trust me, it’d take a lot of entertaining stories, weird faces, and wine for you to replace me. I love when my friends become friends!
10. Texts. I’m about to confess something, and I hope it doesn’t deter any of you from talking to me. I screenshot the heck out of my text conversations and send them to people who will find them entertaining/fun to overanalyze. Calm down, calm down, I’ve never done it with a text from you.
11. Medicine. I never think twice about handing out the stray Tylenol in the bottom of my purse. Makes me feel like I’m really making a difference, like doctors in West Africa.
1. Toothbrushes. I will never ever be okay sharing a stick used to scrub tarter and old food from my teeth. Ever.
2. Individually-portioned plates of food. You may have a bite of my meal, but I don’t want to split it. I can’t help that I’m a bad food sharer. I was born this way. Pretty sure I didn’t even like my big brother getting near the baby food. [See Always #7]
3. My bed. I like sleepovers (with my friends- get your mind out of the gutter), but I have to admit I get a little manic about changing the sheets if someone has slept in my bed who isn’t me.
4. ChapStick. I don’t want to kiss most people, so I don’t want to share ChapStick with most people.
5. Men. I’m cool with sharing my friends, but not cool with sharing my significant other. An open relationship is the worst idea I’ve heard besides licorice ice cream.
6. Clothes. I will do it on occasion, but I don’t like to share clothes. A byproduct of my clumsiness, perhaps, but I’m too afraid I’ll spill something on your shirt. I then project that fear onto you, and assume there’s an 80% chance my shirt will get a red wine stain if you wear it. Sorry.
7. Pens. I used to be a server. This should explain everything. If you’ve never been a server, you may not understand/probably aren’t as successful in life.
8. Electronic devices. Using someone else’s computer or phone feels really intimate. I had to use a bartender’s phone the other week and I am 95% sure she and I are now forever connected, like one day if I need heart transplant, she’ll have died in a tragic accident and the heart will be hers or something.
9. Hair ties. Honestly, when was the last time you lent a hair tie and actually got it back?
10. Political opinions. Just don’t.
11. Hairbrushes. Isn’t not sharing hairbrushes like 5th Grade Health 101?
Sharing is caring hard.